Coming off a 2 for 2, 100%, showing last week where 1) Jimmy Walker won via a withdraw from Anthony Kim who has seemingly turned into a sorry person and 2) Kyle Stanley beat Ryan Moore after Moore shot a mind-blowingly cock-choking 85 on Saturday. I kid you not, dude shot an 85. It's no longer just his choice of attire that we can all feel sorry for.
But this week is different. The stakes have been raised. Let's get real, in comparison to the Masters, the Shell Houston Open is pretty much the equivalency of ravaging some craigslist casual encounter hoodrat in such a way as to have one's mother and/or best friends shedding tears of disappoint and regret. No no, this week is like tip-tickling a top-shelf supermodel while holding a scotch neat and listening to Vivaldi. Like a walk through Paris, the Masters is just special.
All that being said, there are some picks I really like this week:
1) "Tiger, Tiger Woods Y'all!!!" He's finally back. And my pants are soiled with joy.
Tiger wins vs Phil -160
Tiger wins vs Westwood -160
2) An oldie but a goodie. Jim Furyk is currently as hot as my butthole after a crawfish boil. Now that's amore!
Furyk wins vs Poulter -130
Furyk wins vs Immelman -125
3) Something is seriously wrong with Nick Watney. I think he's officially gotten bored of plowing his smoking hot wife. I can already see Steve Stricker sitting down Watney at his estate in Wisconsin, pointing to all his John Deere Classic trophies, and saying, "Take her for a ride on your big green tractor." And btw, does Matt Kuchar ever blink? Seriously watch his face. It's simultaneously amazing and terrifying.
Stricker wins vs Watney -150
Kuch wins vs Watney -145
4) I don't know why I'm doing this with how much of a badass Angel Cabrera is. He A) won the Masters after hitting a tree on the 18th hole and making the most incredible surprised face I've ever seen on a man B) blasts cigs like there's no tomorrow and C) never brushes his teeth. This is what being a rich-as-shit pro-athlete is all about. And for some reason, all that being said, I'm going against him. Luck of the Irish?
Harrington wins vs Cabrera -120
5) Kyle Stanley is my illicit lover of 2012. Having already won some off him last week, I'm gonna let it ride. And yes, his T5 in driving distance is legit having seen him in L.A. at the Northern Trust Open. Dude is close to "Bubba-long". Perhaps too new to the course, "DON'T CURRRRRR!!"
Kyle Stanley wins vs Gary Woodland even
Throwin' hunnids hunnids.
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