It may seem hard to believe, but I get asked all the time for relationship advice. I assume it's because I don't sugarcoat the bullshit. Below are the top ten things I truly believe are most important when it comes to telling if she's "The One". Let's begin:
#1) Is she a cunt?
This is without a doubt the first thing that should go through your mind. Anyone who's at least been through middle school knows that some girls out there are just "mean girls", "bitches", or my personal fave, the more British colloquial: "cunt". You MUST avoid these girls at all times.
This is without a doubt the first thing that should go through your mind. Anyone who's at least been through middle school knows that some girls out there are just "mean girls", "bitches", or my personal fave, the more British colloquial: "cunt". You MUST avoid these girls at all times.
Problem is is that these girls are often times hot. Like huge sunglasses hot. They've been chased after since they were thirteen, and it hasn't stopped. Think about what it's like to be a hot girl for a moment. You have dudes drooling over you all day, you know it, and all you have to do is breathe. Tough. Real tough.
But these girls are a BIG risk. Yes, you are pounding grade A vag on the reg, BUT you have to put up with so much bullshit that it becomes a personal decision about purely carnal satisfaction versus migraines. Hey, maybe the orgasms help with the migraines? I say fuck that. There are plenty of good-looking girls are there that aren't cunts.
Gentlemen, do not under any circumstance sell yourself short just for puss. I know it feels good. I've been there. Just say no.
The Solution: Every guy on the planet has a huge fear: "If I go with the sweet girl is she going to fuck me as well as the "bitch". The sad thing is I think that every guy out there wants a sweet/nice girl, BUT we've all been burned when push comes to shove and that sweet lil' girl wants to just "make out". WTF is this? Why have women not figured it out yet that Men are the most disgusting creatures on the planet? Period. We want to fuck. Not "make love". Everyone from Ludacris ("lady in the streets / freak in the sheets") to the band Cake ("short skirt / long jacket") has tried to educate the public about this. Women, turn on your radios.
#2) Is she funny/fun?
A real game-changer here. Unfortunately, there are just not that many funny people out there, which is sad and which is why you should value this at all costs. A girl that can make me laugh is pure gold. But make sure you're still attracted to her physically. Personality alone will not solve a lifetime with a girl. Gentlemen, listen up: you must stay attracted to your girl as long as you possibly can or your mind will drift. It's dude-human nature.
A real game-changer here. Unfortunately, there are just not that many funny people out there, which is sad and which is why you should value this at all costs. A girl that can make me laugh is pure gold. But make sure you're still attracted to her physically. Personality alone will not solve a lifetime with a girl. Gentlemen, listen up: you must stay attracted to your girl as long as you possibly can or your mind will drift. It's dude-human nature.
The Solution: Work yourself raw when your girl goes to sleep. You'll at least fake your mind into believing you were with someone new.
#3) Is she desperate? These may be the sorriest people on the planet. I just feel sorry for them. But gentlemen, it's not YOUR individual fault that the girl you're considering got cheated on when she was seventeen and just hasn't found a way to grow past high school. These girls will cling to you and wring your sanity dry. Simply avoid them. There's really something to be said for being an independent woman these days.
The Solution: If you're a little worried, early on, break a date off with her and pay attention to her reaction. Wait a week to call and reschedule. When you call back pay careful attention to her tone. Does she act like it's no big deal that you were "busy"? Or does she blow up? Assess the reactions and really think about it. I once pulled this stunt with a girl and was asked questions such as: "Where have you been?" and "Why haven't you called me?" Really? We had been on one date. Next.
#4) Does she like or at least tolerate sports?
If women only knew how huge this was for most men. Growing up in the South, I assumed that sports were the only thing in life that mattered, and I still honestly have a hard time seeing otherwise. Luckily, I noticed that in Boston, a different type of sports was just as popular (if not more), i.e. Pro sports. This reminded me of how awesome America is. Although different areas of the country value types of sports differently (pro vs college), the country as a whole loves sports. But what about the girls...? If you're a sports fan, which I assume you are as the majority of males are, this is a crucial element to daily living. When I first turned on the channel for the last year's U.S. Open of Golf, my current girlfriend out of nowhere started asking me questions about the players and *gasp* even started coming up with nicknames! Our relationship changed immensely that day.
If women only knew how huge this was for most men. Growing up in the South, I assumed that sports were the only thing in life that mattered, and I still honestly have a hard time seeing otherwise. Luckily, I noticed that in Boston, a different type of sports was just as popular (if not more), i.e. Pro sports. This reminded me of how awesome America is. Although different areas of the country value types of sports differently (pro vs college), the country as a whole loves sports. But what about the girls...? If you're a sports fan, which I assume you are as the majority of males are, this is a crucial element to daily living. When I first turned on the channel for the last year's U.S. Open of Golf, my current girlfriend out of nowhere started asking me questions about the players and *gasp* even started coming up with nicknames! Our relationship changed immensely that day.
The Solution: Turn on a game you want to watch. Is she interested? Does she ask questions about the team? Or at least comment on their jerseys' colors or mascot? Or does she leave the room, call her friends, start texting, pick up computer, etc? Not a good sign.
#5) How much make-up does she need to feel "comfortable"?
I once dated a girl that took literally over an hour to make sure she was "ready to be seen". What the fuck does that even mean? If women knew how little we care about this, I think it would shock them. Maybe I should have put this as my number one, because I'm HUGE on this. You can only fake it for so long. Plain and simple. Remember,we're talking about the "one" here...
I once dated a girl that took literally over an hour to make sure she was "ready to be seen". What the fuck does that even mean? If women knew how little we care about this, I think it would shock them. Maybe I should have put this as my number one, because I'm HUGE on this. You can only fake it for so long. Plain and simple. Remember,we're talking about the "one" here...
I'll never forget, after a date, I went home with a girl in Boston while in school. It was dark, late at night, and the last thing I was thinking about was how much make-up she was wearing. We went to her apartment. I was black-out drunk. I woke up next to what may as well have been a stranger. This was not the same woman I saw at the bar. And yes, I swear to God that shots started happening after we had been talking. Whoa. Lesson learned.
The Solution: This one's easy. When you first go over to her house, ask to use her bathroom. When inside, take a look through her cabinets and notice the magnitude of make-up she has/seems to require. This is a VERY telling sign. I once went out with a girl who literally had every single cabinet full of this shit. That was the end of that.
The Solution: This one's easy. When you first go over to her house, ask to use her bathroom. When inside, take a look through her cabinets and notice the magnitude of make-up she has/seems to require. This is a VERY telling sign. I once went out with a girl who literally had every single cabinet full of this shit. That was the end of that.
#6) How much does she expect of you?
Pressure is awful. It creates stress and shortens one's life. I used to date a girl whom I believe was much more into the idea of me being a potential doctor than being with me as a non-doctor. At that point, expectations were solidified. And I fucking hated it. No one wants to feel as though they're doing something to please someone else against their own desires. Although often times we put up with it if it's temporary, when talking about the long-haul, no one should have to deal with this type of pressure.
The Solution: Look at how her mother talks to her father. Is it respectful? As they say, the apple does not fall far from the tree. Does her mother pressure her father; either directly or passive-aggresively? If so, get the fuck out. Fast. That shit may as well be genetic.
Pressure is awful. It creates stress and shortens one's life. I used to date a girl whom I believe was much more into the idea of me being a potential doctor than being with me as a non-doctor. At that point, expectations were solidified. And I fucking hated it. No one wants to feel as though they're doing something to please someone else against their own desires. Although often times we put up with it if it's temporary, when talking about the long-haul, no one should have to deal with this type of pressure.
The Solution: Look at how her mother talks to her father. Is it respectful? As they say, the apple does not fall far from the tree. Does her mother pressure her father; either directly or passive-aggresively? If so, get the fuck out. Fast. That shit may as well be genetic.
#7) Can she hold her liquor?
A tough one here. A lot of girls, wait, no, fuck that, all girls are to some extent concerned about their weight. Thusly, many of them to simply choose not to eat. Is this healthy? No, but starvation does work. However, when women (or anyone for that matter) drink on an empty stomach, bad things happen. One New Year's Eve, a girl in our group was already passed out before midnight. How is this even possible? Yes, she was basically a midget in stature, but really? I swear to God, there is nothing more annoying than having to babysit a drunk girl.
The Solution: When courting early on, at the bar, feed her shot after shot. And yes, obviously include yourself in such lovely gaiety and merriment. Assess how she's holding up. If she's on the floor after one, say hi to the girl on your other side.
A tough one here. A lot of girls, wait, no, fuck that, all girls are to some extent concerned about their weight. Thusly, many of them to simply choose not to eat. Is this healthy? No, but starvation does work. However, when women (or anyone for that matter) drink on an empty stomach, bad things happen. One New Year's Eve, a girl in our group was already passed out before midnight. How is this even possible? Yes, she was basically a midget in stature, but really? I swear to God, there is nothing more annoying than having to babysit a drunk girl.
The Solution: When courting early on, at the bar, feed her shot after shot. And yes, obviously include yourself in such lovely gaiety and merriment. Assess how she's holding up. If she's on the floor after one, say hi to the girl on your other side.
#8) Is there any possibility she'll let you pop one off on her face?
Anyone can let it rip in a vagina but Good God, man, if your girl will let you shower her noggin' with some vanilla hot sauce she either A) hates her father to her core B) is damaged beyond repair from past relationships OR C) she loves you like crazy and is willing to get real nasty in an attempt to show how far she's willing to go to be with you.
Anyone can let it rip in a vagina but Good God, man, if your girl will let you shower her noggin' with some vanilla hot sauce she either A) hates her father to her core B) is damaged beyond repair from past relationships OR C) she loves you like crazy and is willing to get real nasty in an attempt to show how far she's willing to go to be with you.
Think about how disgusting this is. Some dude is literally hosing you down with something from inside them. Pretty raw if you ask me.
Solution: Baby steps. Start with the stomach. Gauge her reaction. Believe it or not, lots of women I've been with like the literal feeling of having cum on them. Maybe not their face, but on their tits, stomach, back, etc. Just check first. Do not under any circumstance blast your love hose on her without consent. It's rude.
#9) Would she support you if you lost everything?
According to anthropological studies, during those caveman times, women would typically try hardest to match themselves up with the cavedudes who had the most cows. I find this most interesting. Let's call this "resources". Women are programmed to make sure that if they have kids, they will be fed. Plain and simple. But modernization has changed the game. Nowadays it's money, life's most crucial necessity.
Fact is, some girls are gold-diggers. Do not dig your own grave with these girls.
The Solution: Just one time, lie to her face. Tell her you lost everything. You got fired. You got kicked out of school. You have nothing. Assess her reaction. Does she blow up and start naming off meaningless things such as mani-pedis, facials, & the country club. Or is she supportive? If so, lock it down.
According to anthropological studies, during those caveman times, women would typically try hardest to match themselves up with the cavedudes who had the most cows. I find this most interesting. Let's call this "resources". Women are programmed to make sure that if they have kids, they will be fed. Plain and simple. But modernization has changed the game. Nowadays it's money, life's most crucial necessity.
Fact is, some girls are gold-diggers. Do not dig your own grave with these girls.
The Solution: Just one time, lie to her face. Tell her you lost everything. You got fired. You got kicked out of school. You have nothing. Assess her reaction. Does she blow up and start naming off meaningless things such as mani-pedis, facials, & the country club. Or is she supportive? If so, lock it down.
#10) And lastly, Is she Asian?
The Holy Grail of Women. Loyal. Honest. Smart. Trustworthy. Kind. Thin. Really, the list just goes on and on. If you're lucky enough to land one of these magical creatures, then by all means reward yourself. You've achieved something special.
The Solution: Visit your local neighborhood's Chinatown. Go to school in Boston. Or move to California.
You're welcome.
The Holy Grail of Women. Loyal. Honest. Smart. Trustworthy. Kind. Thin. Really, the list just goes on and on. If you're lucky enough to land one of these magical creatures, then by all means reward yourself. You've achieved something special.
The Solution: Visit your local neighborhood's Chinatown. Go to school in Boston. Or move to California.
You're welcome.
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